Electric Eels

I'm glad i have this blog. Have I mentioned this before? Well I do. I can say as much as I want, whatever I want (well almost), very fast. It's like I don't need to talk to somebody, and writing in a diary takes waaaaaaaaay too long and leaves me more frustrated than when I started. I start to wonder why I even started writing in diaries in the first place.
Anyways, I'm here currently because I'm waiting for people to say that they can hang out with me. None so far. Either they're busy (it's a saturday) or they aren't up yet (it's 10:28) or maybe they don't want to hang out with me (which hurts).
Fortunately for me, I have stuff to tell you about, not just random jumble that I pull out of the "stuff" file crammed in my brain.
I have liked this guy for a long time. He was what I called a "Potential." Someone who had the potential to either be my crush, or be something more. He made it to the crush part, but then it stayed that way. I realized the most obvious reason was because we basically have nothing in common. We share many friends, but he smokes (I obviously dont) he might even do drugs (I only take perscription) and when we used to try to talk in text, we've only done it like three times, and they were all awkward and short. They were like "Hows-The-Weather?" conversations, which are AWFUL. Now he has a girfriend. Sort of. I heard they're more of a casual off and on, but they're still a partnership so that's all that matters. My "brother" told me that he thinks she's a slut though so that makes me feel a little better, but not really. Sluts get all the guys. I mean, I think the guys should be a little more smart and go for the better, more mature girls, but they go for the easy ones. It's kinda like meat. You could have the steak or the Wendy's cheesebuger. What do most of us go for? The burger. Not because we usually want to. The steak is by far probably taster. It's just that the burger is cheaper. Like only two dollars. And steak is at least twenty (at least I think). And I feel like a steak. Wow, I never thought i'd label myself that way.
And it really just hurts. You know? Why can't he just open his eyes? Just because we're different, we could give it a chance. Or I could try. Maybe I should at least try and be friends with him at least. Fortunately I don't have his number, and I have enough restraint not to ask my friend's for his. I'd probably almost immediately text him, which wouldn't be cool. Needy. Desperate. That's more like it.
Honestly? I thought I forgot all about him, until I went to San Diego. I couldn't even enjoy it. First, I called Ginger and he was a total jerk. Then, I had two nightmares. When a serial killer who kidnaps young girls and kills them was chasing me and managed to pry open my car door and just as he reached in I woke up. And then the other was about Ian. Look, I'm kinda hazy on the details I just remember the most vital points in the story. We had art class together (the past two years we have) and then he set me on the counter and kissed me. It was magical. I hate dreams. Did I say that? Anyways, later on, in a barn (I have no idea how i got there) on a chunk of hay, he confessed he was using me and he only "kisses the girls he loves" and I was totally lost. When I woke up I was even more confused. It could mean so many things. Obviously, he doesn't like me. But I already knew that. Another is that he really does only kiss the girls he loves, but come on, that doesn't seem like him, or any guys at this age. And that we'll never get together. I asked my friend and she basically said I couldn't get a man. I ignored this because I know I can, I've just been turning down everyone....
A few weeks ago I was at coffee break on a thursday night. Me and my friends were going to celebrate a friend's birthday but he backed out so the rest of us just went inside and chilled. However, you know when you get that feeling when someone's staring at you? Yeah, I got that feeling. I looked up and it didn't sink in until a few seconds. There was a boy, a very attractive boy, smiling at me across the room. The reason why i didn't recognize him at first was because he never smiled. Ever. Well, not to me. And if he did, I never saw it. And it was a pretty smile. He was there with a friend he later that night introduced me to as "Potato" and my "Little Brother" was there too, who fortunately made things less tense.
Honestly? I couldn't concentrate on my other friends at all. When I was introducing them I couldn't even remember their names. I really just wanted Ian to leave. Very badly.
Leave out of my life. PLEASE.
Yesterday I was walking home, late, because I went to the city library, and I looked across the street and saw a friend Robinson with a familiar face who was doing tricks on his skateboard. Ian.
I said Hi to david and he waved. I don't think Ian looked over. I'm not sure if it was rude not to say hi to ian, but I'm not sure if he even cared. Besides, wouldn't it be weird to go up to him at school next week and apologize to him. "Hey so I'm sorry I didn't say hi to you after school Friday and only David."
Bleh. No.
I think he notices me a lot more lately though. During lunch. Because he eats in the area I do, and lately i've been outside and I swear sometimes he's looking right over at me. Can't he be more discrete about it?
FUDIAO;FJDA;FAJDIOF;JASFJDSAO;FJSDAJAFDSAOJ
I want him to just flat out walk up to me, have a friendly conversation, tell me how great his girlfriend is, and have us be good friends.
Or have us never talk again.
Because I'm stuck between a friend zone, and a no zone, and I have no idea where to go. I know I could say hi. He says hi and bye and my name with it all the time (which sounds sooooooooooo good by the way).
Oh well.
So I just found out this other semi-friend of mine who had a girlfriend just broke up. We didn't talk about it much but inside I was dancing because inside I really wanted to meet him and I was worried about the situation. I've been known to be a tease without realizing it and I don't want to cause any drama. Especially with girls. I'm not girl with cat fights. I'm actually quite afraid of them. Not really guys though. I find them quite fun to hang out with.
My grades aren't so hot. I don't even know what college I want to go to. I found one I like-It's in Chicago. My mom wasn't so pleased. She wants me to go to LA. I don't see why it matters. As long as it's a good education, right?
My dad keeps promising to send out my book to get published but it's never happened. I doubt he's ever read it. But other than that, I need to start writing my other stories. Because more ideas keep coming and I got to get them done.
I have no idea what to do now. Nobody's replied to my post yet. And It's been half an hour.
Qui De Nous Deux by M is the song I'm listening to. But I'm going to change it. I don't think I'm in the mood to listen to french.
It's an annoying language. An annoying class.